A TSB Series:
Phone and Text Message Game
Seraf passed me along this recent Neil Strauss post about phone game. I mentioned in my introduction that phone game was something that was sort of a thorn in my side. So I’m always up for learning how to improve. I know Teddy Bear is writing a post on phone game that I’m anxious to read. I’ve also recommended a good DVD set dedicated to phone game.
Neil Strauss will always be extremely respected in the community and I’m always open to hear his opinion on any topic. I haven’t read “Rules of the Game” yet but it is definately a book I would like someone to do a review of.
Phone Game by Neil Strauss
So far, you’ve learned how to approach, demonstrate value, and exchange numbers. The next step—actually calling her—is a source of anxiety for some men. However, the rules of phone engagement are simple: Don’t do anything wrong. She’s only just met you, and one warning signal is the only excuse she needs to decide never to see you again.
You don’t want that to happen. So here are some hints:
To Block or Not to Block?
Many so-called experts advise blocking your phone number when calling a woman. They also suggest that you not leave a message if she doesn’t pick up.
The idea, they explain, is that if you keep calling, eventually she’ll answer—and once you’ve trapped her you can convince her to see you.
I don’t use or recommend this crowbar method, unless you’re a telemarketer.
The fact is: If she’s not calling you back or taking your calls, the problem is not with your phone game; it’s with your approach game, because you didn’t convey the qualities necessary for her to want to see you again. In fact, whenever something goes wrong at one stage in the interaction, it generally means you made a mistake in the previous stage.
So never block your calls and always leave a message. Why? Because it shows confidence. If you displayed an attractive personality, demonstrated your value, and conveyed trust when you first met her, she’s going to be excited when you call. (And make the message simple - the more you think about it or attempt to be clever, the more try-hard you appear to be.)
Your goal should be to leave every interaction with the woman worrying, “What if he doesn’t call?”
If you’ve seeded your event properly, when you do phone, she’ll know just what you’re calling about and she’ll be comfortable taking the call.
What to Say
Here’s a general structure to follow on the first phone call:
1. Try to avoid introducing yourself by name. Instead, begin the conversation with a callback to your previous conversation. If you used the Village People opener to meet her, then when she picks up, say slowly and confidently, “So I found out: there’s no fireman in the Village People.” This way, instead of reminding her you’re a stranger (especially if she happens to have forgotten your name), you bring her right back to the good time she originally had talking with you.
2. To avoid any awkward pauses, after she greets you, launch into a quick story from your life. (See the Storytelling chapter in Rules Of The Game to generate fascinating stories.) Just make sure your story is short, and that the point of it isn’t to build yourself up, but to make her smile, laugh, and feel comfortable.
3. Speak in a deep, calm, comfortable voice tinged with fun and positive energy. It’s good to be upbeat, but don’t talk too fast or be too hyper. If you’re nervous, call a good friend first to get in a talkative mood.
4. After telling your short story, give her a chance to speak. Most of the time she’ll tell you about her day or ask a question. If she doesn’t, just move on.
5. Make plans for later in the week. Incorporating the push-and-pull you learned in the Disqualification chapter of Rules Of The Game, you might say something like, “I’m busy Friday and Saturday, but I’m having a small dinner party on Sunday. I’m casting a group of really interesting people, and you should come. We need a wild card.”
6. If you’re inviting her to an event other than your party, don’t frame the interaction as a date. Invite her to “hang out,” “tag along,” or “join” you and your friends.
7. If she says she can make it, great. If she’s busy, let her know about one of the other events on your calendar. And only one. Unless she gushes with enthusiasm to go, tell her she’d probably enjoy it and if a space frees up, you’ll call her and let her know.
8. Whether or not she’s available, don’t suddenly say goodbye and hang up after inviting her out. Just as you did after exchanging phone numbers, continue the conversation for another minute or two. Add a little playful banter or share a quick, related story.
9. End on a high note and don’t linger on the phone. You’re busy. You’ve got things to do.
Though this script is simple and has been used effectively by thousands of men, it’s not the only way to handle the first phone call. As you become more comfortable with the process, for example, you may want to distinguish yourself from other men by calling first just to talk briefly, and then making plans on the second call.
If you prefer to text, try to avoid it for your first interaction. It doesn’t convey enough personality, it’s passive, and some people don’t text . On the other hand, if you fall into the trap of phone tag before having your first conversation, texting can save the day.
If She’s Too Busy Again . . .
If she’s vague about committing to plans or turns down multiple invitations, it’s time to examine your game. At some point in the initial interaction, you probably made a mistake. Perhaps you conveyed lower social value, came across as desperate, or exchanged phone numbers too early. Maybe your sense of style (or lack thereof) didn’t fit her dating criteria. Figure out what your shortcoming was and work to improve it. In a few rare cases, if you’re doing everything right but she’s still flaky, she may have a boyfriend, or still be getting over one.
In general, never accept the words “too busy” as a regular excuse. If Angelina Jolie called and invited you to a dinner she’s having at her mansion with Bono, Jay-Z, Brad Pitt, and George Lucas, would you be able to make it?
Of course you would. You’d break whatever plans you had, blow off work, and probably pay money if you had to.
Your goal in every interaction is to be so interesting, such a rare find, that she’s never too busy for you. After all, if you met the perfect 10, wouldn’t you manage to find time for her?
So be the perfect 10.
Listen to phone game seduction!
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February 6, 2008
Great post, as expected from the master!!
February 6, 2008
Is this part of the rules of the game?
I’m currently reading the rules of the game, but i’ve finished reading the part 2 book: the dark side of the game..The style diaries.
Just like some of his stories in “the game”, i found my self laughing really hard.
Too bad its kinda short
Once i’ve finished the book, i wouldn’t mind writing a review about it.
Pzz
February 6, 2008
I really wish I had read this post before I fucked up on all of my previous phone calls…..
-Seraf
February 6, 2008
Oh, and I’m actually in the midsts of writing a review for “Rules of the Game.” I’ll have it done in about two weeks.
-Seraf
February 6, 2008
It’s like word for word from his chapter on phone game from Rules of the Game. I loved the “dark side” book too. Especially how he like got seduced by a grandma lmao
February 6, 2008
hahah yeah that was funny.
it sucks that she was fugly tho, and then she ended up looking better AFTER he fucked her lol
February 7, 2008
It just goes to show you, attraction is not a choice.
I’ve even found myself attracted to women that I look back at and realize I must have been on something if I wanted to make out with them!
-Seraf
February 7, 2008
i got a phone game post for yall thats better than this
February 7, 2008
pass it along teddy bear and I love Strauss’s work but so far i’m feeling that his stuff is a second stepping stone into the game, It’s not for beginners but more for a novice because he uses terminolgy that a newcomer wont understand without it being explained.
February 7, 2008
Better to learn later than never at all, bro…
T.’s last blog post..The Power of Vagueness
February 7, 2008
This post is great! I have SO much trouble with phone game, I always feel like I’m the one always calling her. I’ve tried installing a sense of mystery (ie a surprise for her), telling her if she wants to talk to me I only really have a free hour and she should call me then (scarcity), etc.
When should you expect to be making all the calls and when should you expect her to be calling you? It seems like I’m calling 90% of the time!
February 7, 2008
it depends on the girl alot of time. The last two girls i dated NEVER called me. I used to feel if i stopped calling them I would never hear from them again.. but whenver i called they were always willing to hang out.
Are the girls you’re calling flaking or are they willing to hang?
February 7, 2008
hey guys, i need a quick opinion on something (NO this is not an opener, this is an honest question for you guys), i got this brand new JEEP with the siickest sky-roof and it is a total chick magnet. i’ve already gotten a couple of hott girls from school that were so amazed that they said theyd “totally date me in that car”. now at the moment,i really had nothing good to say other than, “well, its gonna cost you..” but i was wondering, do you guys have any other better ideas to say as an auto response to a comment like that that a girl would say to me? i wanna be prepared for tonight cuz im sure im gonna get alot more similar comments when i go out lol
February 8, 2008
i would try to play it off like they do… “so u like me just cuz of my jeep?” or “you gotta do better than that if your trying to pick me up, im not that easy” i would most likely say the second
February 8, 2008
Wow man they sound like gold diggers ya know, why not neg them with something along those lines
whatever you come up with will most likely be cocky/funny but for some reason everything that comes to my mind is too cocky and lacking in the funny…
if you have leather apholstry you could say something like
“aww thats too bad because I dont allow children on the leather”
gotta have that cocky funny smirk going so they know your kidding.
thats all i can get.
February 8, 2008
wow, yeah, that does sound pretty superficial. you HAVE to neg them about it. i dont have any specific comments, but maybe you could work on one pointing out the fact that they are willing to settle for jeep instead of a much more expensive car.
something like, “Wow, a jeep is all i need to get a girl like you?….I wonder what i could get if i had bought that Porsche?”
ok, not the best line around, but you know what i mean. i think ideally, you want to point out the fact that what they said WAS superficial, so they want to start defending themselves. get them to explain that they arent really gold-diggers or shallow.
you can start a whole teasing conversation with them this way, and it puts them in a position of THEM trying to please YOU.
February 8, 2008
Sean Messenger has a whole hour on text messaging - he says text ONLY until you get sex. Really communicates busy-vibe on your end and no neediness - calling is more needy than texting
-Maybe you ask if she text messages on her cell –now you know that if she doesn’t react you screwed up the approach or Brad Pitt is dating her!
February 8, 2008
thanks guys..
a little late, but appreciate the replies lol.
i really like “Wow, a jeep is all i need to get a girl like you?….I wonder what i could get if i had bought that Porsche?”, i’ll probably be using that one next time they get all hott n horny over my Jeep.
and as far as calling them gold diggers, that wouldnt exactly work anymore because i’ve been calling them that since forever lol. its practically those 2 girls nicknames.
February 10, 2008
[...] Ultimate Phone Game Tactics From: http://www.theseductionbible.com Seraf passed me along this recent Neil Strauss post about phone game. I mentioned in my introduction that phone game was something that was sort of a thorn in my side. So I’m always up for learning how to improve. I know Teddy Bear is writing a post on phone game that I’m anxious to read. » more 1 [...]
February 11, 2008
Hey Bobby,
I’ve noticed that some girls will call me initially and be like “oh I never call guys” and then never call me again after talking to me for the first time. It feels like they’re always trying to get me to call them and when I do, they always seem down for hanging out or doing something. I don’t know if I should be trying to establish a nightly phone call habit or if I should just be using the phone call for a set up and that’s it.
I guess I just always wonder what makes a girl want to call you? Sometimes I feel like the girl is obviously expecting the guy to call and sometimes I feel like the girl is just testing to see how much I like her and the third, sometimes she’s obviously not interested but I can kind of always feel that one.