The Best Way to Practice Talking to Girls

April 12th, 2008 • Related • Filed Under

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If you are relatively inexperienced with women then you need to practice talking to them. There is no two ways about it. You can read every article on here, listen to all our podcasts, and ask a million questions in our forum… but the only way you will get better with women is to practice.

There are many different areas that may be holding you back. Possibly you are having trouble creating attraction, making women laugh, or maybe you just don’t know how to escalate to the next level. These things are all achievable. But the key is practicing with a handful of women so that you learn to develop the skills you need to feel natural in the company of girls.

We’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… inner game is the key to success. Developing an attractive personality that resonates confidence, playfulness, maturity, and sexuality is one hundred percent more important than learning a few routines.

A major part of developing inner game is getting comfortable with yourself in the presence of women. Many guys go out and build a great life for themselves financially and spiritually, but isolate themselves from women which prevents them from growing socially. A well-rounded man can handle himself with grace in any social situation.

I titled this article The Best Way to Practice Talking to Girls… and here is the answer. Create an online dating profile and actively interact with women on these sites.

Online dating is fantastic for many reasons; these sites are filled with women looking to meet men, you can interact with many different women at once, rejection is a lot easier not in person, your profile is gaming girls even when you’re not logged in… these are just some of the many reasons.

The major positive factor of online dating is that you WILL get dates. Almost every guy I know who has put himself on a paying internet site has gone out with at least a few girls from it. These dates, which are usually proceeded by phone calls and emails, are a fantastic way to build your confidence, and get more comfortable interacting with women.

I am not claiming you are going to meet your dream girl online. You probably won’t. But you will meet a handful of women who you can learn more from a few dates with then you will by reading the latest ebook released by random guru 25.

There are plenty of sites to choose from. Match.com is probably the best. It has the largest selection of women and is the most trusted and reputable. American Singles was popular. Okay Cupid is a free site that you have no excuse for not placing a profile on. While I feel the paying sites are better, why the hell not have another fishing line in the water with Okay Cupid? If you’re Jewish than J-Date is probably you’re best choice. My Jewish friends clean up on there. If you’re up for a little adventure try Adult Friend Finder. There are mixed opinions on AFF but for $20 why not make up your own mind?

While I think it is easy enough to meet women online without any extra help, if you’re completely new to online dating or for some reason aren’t having great success than I would recommend checking out Dave M’s Insider Internet Dating. It is a top of the line program.

Any way you look at it you should have a couple profiles up. It cost you the same for a month on one of these sites as it does to buy a few beers in a bar. Which do you think you will get you more dates?

Get your feet wet with Okay Cupid because it’s free. But then get your ass on of of the paying sites.

There Are 11 Responses So Far. »

Comment by Seraf24 on 12 April 2008:

I’ve gotten my feet wet with PlentyofFish(dot)com. Didn’t get a single date, got one response from this girl that was a realm of depression to talk to.

Normally when I am around women I am comfortable, confident and playful. Still having a little trouble conveying the sexuality part (which is probably why I still have trouble escalating). Maturity varies.

I have a little "hang out" with a one-itus this coming tuesday. I’m scared as fuck that I’ll run out of things to say! It’s funny how when you don’t give a shit when you’re around 8s, 9s or 10s you can be comfortable but when it’s that one-itus, nervousness has a greater potential to take over your body.

Or maybe it’s just me.

-Seraf
Comment by Nirvanos on 12 April 2008:

I like how you made a great point here.

A lot of people get stuck in the "inner game is everything mindset". So they understand it as sitting at home and doing affirmations and never going out and meeting women.

You said:

"We’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… inner game is the key to success. Developing an attractive personality that resonates confidence, playfulness, maturity, and sexuality is one hundred percent more important than learning a few routines. A major part of developing inner game is getting comfortable with yourself in the presence of women. Many guys go out and build a great life for themselves financially and spiritually, but isolate themselves from women which prevents them from growing socially. A well-rounded man can handle himself with grace in any social situation."Which is a great point. A lot of people don’t seem to understand that experience can = inner game.

Of course the best balance is experience + inner-work (affirmations or what not) + lifestyle (money, hobbies etc…)
Comment by athena on 13 April 2008:

hey seraf, dont worry about running out of things to say. honestly, when people want to "talk", they dont really want to have a conversation. they just want to be listened to.

dont give her the third degree or anything, but get her talking. as soon as she (or anyone for that matter) feels that you are actually LISTENING to them, they are addicted!
Comment by Seraf24 on 13 April 2008:

Athena,

As long as she doesn’t go into her "I had so much drama so listen to me" rants, then I’ll listen. Our "hang out" is about having fun, not about me listening to her problems while we go ice skating.

Thank you for the advice tho. Much appreciated.

-Seraf
Comment by zeoranger12 on 13 April 2008:

awesome article as always. Totally hit the nail on the head when you that you have get off your ass and just go do it. I used to be a part of a few forums and most the guys there are keyboard jockeys who don’t actually apply this stuff. It would make me so mad because I’d ask a legit question and they’d ramble on about A2 c1 blah blah, lol. Going out and just doing IMO totally gets you off the list checking mindset and into a more natural feel for things.
Comment by athena on 13 April 2008:

well seraf, this is a great way to learn how to guide the conversation. this is a good lesson for any guy learning how to talk to girls.
you see, if you arent interested in her drama in the first place, its going to be pretty damned hard to show that you are listening to it. you gotta steer it to a place YOU find interesting, so listening isnt so hard.

also, you remember all those tips they mentioned somewhere around here about bringing a positive moment to the present? like when you talk about how something good felt? then all of a sudden they start feeling that again?

what you guys have to do is think about all those clues that tell you if someone is listening or not - eye contact, raised eyebrows, more in-depth questions, etc.   use those kinds of clues to steer her to what you want, and just gloss over what you dont want to hear. its just like teaching a child - reward the behavior you want, punish the behavior you dont want.
let her ramble on about something interesting, fun, or happy. she will re-live the moment, and when you show you are listening, you become part of that moment with her.   this is a double-bonus: she will LOVE the fact that someone actually LISTENED, and she will also associate you with good feelings. AND you dont even have to talk all that much!!

you wont believe how many times ive lead someone into talking for an hour or more, without actually saying anything about myself. at the end, they always say "wow, you are so much fun to talk to! you are SO interesting!"

its hilarious! they THINK i was talking and entertaining them, but in reality, it was just them talking about things that felt good. they dont know a damned thing about me - i could be the most boring girl on earth and they wouldnt know!

p.s. - this is also a pretty sneaky way to transfer things to the sexual realm. just steer the conversation there, and let HER talk about it first. VERY effective if you are also good at keeping her focused on the moment and the feelings.   you dont need any slick lines to get her imagination going - it will start, and you will have a front-row seat!
Comment by Casper on 13 April 2008:

Lately I have been running into chicks that jus twant me to sign up for some webcam sight.
Comment by Bobby Rio on 13 April 2008:

Casper,

what sites are you on? The free ones like mypace, friendster, and even AFF will definately be filled with these…

but match.com or the other paying ones are usually filled with real profiles.

Bobby Rio’s last blog post..Vote Mike Stoute onto VH1’s The Pickup Artist 2
Comment by Seraf24 on 14 April 2008:

Thank you for the advice athena. Back when you mentioned showing you are listening to it, I personally don’t like to listen to anyone that has drama or problems to spill out, but I love to listen talk about things they are passionate about.

My one-itus is very passionate about competing in pageants. Never met anyone that was seriously into that stuff.

I’ll definitely use these steering tools to get more sexual, since sexual escalation is something I need work on.

Once again, thx for the advice.

-Seraf
Comment by lilez0518 on 14 April 2008:

Athena,

You always give good advice and insight. That is so true though. The average person loves to talk about themselves, so once you steer them in the right direction, you can have them talking to you for hours and pretty much find out whatever you want to know.
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[...] The Best Way to Practice Talking to Girls From: http://www.theseductionbible.com  If you are relatively inexperienced with women then you need to practice talking to them. There is no two ways about it. You can read every article on here, listen to all our podcasts, and ask a million questions in our forum… but the only way you will get better with women is to practice. » more 1 [...]