This is the 17th day of our 31 Days to Better Game series. The last couple days we’ve dealt with some online dating strategies… Now we’re going to go into some strategies for dealing with the phone numbers that you should be aquiring.
This next lesson on phone game comes from Hot Alpha Female. HAF runs a blog about pick-up, game, and relationships from a girl’s point of view.
day 17
Phone Game Stategy by Hot Alpha Female
So let me paint the picture. You see a hot chick at a club, shopping centre or I dunno the tennis club. You build up the guts to talk to her, make her laugh and somehow manage to get her number. You think to yourself “SWEET!! I’m in”.
You end up calling her a couple of days later, like the rule book suggests .. to ask her out on a date. She doesn’t pick up. You think hey she is busy and you try again later that same day. You still don’t get a response. So you call again and finally you get an answer. You talk to her expecting that things are going to pick up where you left off and are utterly stunned when starts making excuses as to why she can’t meet up with you. She says that she will get back to you and she never does. You are left scratching your head, thinking to yourself “where did it go wrong?”.
So here is the thing.
Some of you may be baffled by this whole situation.
To some of you it doesn’t make sense.
Well I’m going to lay out for you what is REALLY happening and what you really SHOULD be doing.
Sound good?
Lets get started.
Rule # 1 - Don’t Contact Her For At Least 48 Hours
I know it sounds hard doesn’t it? But you have to stick by these rules. Because when you wait for the 48 hours you appear needy and in need of a life.
Here is the thing. I have been on dates with guys and literally like 2 minutes after the date they are msging me and telling me what a great time they had on the date and how they would like to see me again.
Then I have also had guys who send me a msg straight after a date and then send me another one 30 minutes later wondering why I haven’t sent them a reply yet.
The only thing that runs through my mind is .. stalker, get a life, and ewwww.
Its like an instant turn off. N there is no logical way to explain it. So do it not only as a favour for me but for all the other poor girls out there.
Just make sure that when you follow this rule that you don’t wait too long after 48 hours. Anything more than 4 days and the girl (if she is interested in you) starts to get pissed because you didn’t call her within that “calling period” and she assumes that you are not interested.
You can mess with a girl and pretend that you are not interested, but this is not one of those instances.
Rule # 2 - Send Her A Text Msg First
You know scoring a date is kind of like making a sale. Except the item that you are selling is yourself.
So in other words you are going to have to look like something that she would want to date/buy =)
Now that doesn’t mean being something that you are not. But it does mean that for the moment you operate within a certain guidelines until you have internalized all this “game stuff” … so bear with me ok?
So as part of this, stick to the rule of msging her first before you call her. Every girl is comfortable with msgs. In fact we like them more to begin with.
See its great for us and is great for you too. It means that you can actually think about what you want to write, you don’t have to think on the spot.
Now the main agenda with text msgs is to warm her up. Let her know that you are on her radar and that you will be in contact with her soon.
If a guy msgs us within 2 days of us handing out our number then that is sufficient enough for us to know that you are interested without appearing really needy and wussy.
Now as a general rule with msging keep it short and sweet. Banter a lot, but don’t get into these msging conversations. At the absolute maximum make sure that you only send 2-3 msgs in one conversation. Always be the one to end the msging conversation.
Meaning to say that when the conversation is nearing to an end then you are the one that has to stop sending her msgs.
Some of my friends have trouble with this, because they feel in control by being the ones to have the last say. But you have to look at it from the point of view that YOU are the one in control because you have the strength to stop the msging first =)
Rule # 3 - Msg Her And Then Call Her
Ok so I have to admit that this is not something that I came up with. But one of the things that I heard one of the guys do on David D’s cds. None the less I have to share it with you and take the credit for it. This dude can’t remember his name, had an awesome strategy.
He would msg this girl and then when she replied back then he would call her within a minute or so.
He found that significantly increased his chance of getting to speak to her, because she would have to be close to her phone in order to send the msg right?!
Brilliant idea and I suggest that all you guys use it.
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July 3, 2008
Really great stuff… very interesting to hear from a girl’s point of view. Thanks!
July 3, 2008
This is some of the best phone game advice I have ever read.
But I have one thing to bring up. This article says to not call for the first 48 hours.
But other gurus, Mehow for example, say to call the next day otherwise u seem like a pussy.
What is with that? Personally, I’m going to follow the 48hr rule. That is the one I’ve always felt best going with anyway.
-Seraf
July 4, 2008
re: But other gurus, Mehow for example, say to call the next day otherwise u seem like a pussy.
I think this is one of the few areas where I’d value a woman’s perspective more than some gurus.
And with that said an opener is born
July 4, 2008
What’s a good way to end a txt msg conversation? I always seem to go to my default strategy of saying I have to go to the gym or have errands to run but I feel like I use that too much. Any ideas?
July 4, 2008
zeo - you dont have to explain your actions when leaving a text conversation. just stop talking. and like she said in the article, it shouldn’t be a full blown convo, just a couple messages or so from you. if the girl asks you a specific question, or texts back later wondering why you havent answered - just call her and ask what was up. at that point, she obviously wants to hear from you, and you will already have some reason to call her.
as for the 48 hour rule - i think it depends on the circumstance. if its a girl who is already in your circle and you guys have talked before and that familiarity is there - you can call the next day. ESPECIALLY if you already mentioned that you guys would be making plans to go out. ex- your friends hot friend you see at house parties and bbqs and have been talking. this time, you talk about movies and she wants to visit some movie festival in the area or something - so you get her number with the agreement that you will call her so you both can go together. in that case, you should call her soon.
but if its some random girl and you just got the number with a request to “call sometime” , you should really wait the 48 hours. she doesnt know you arent a stalker, and she doesnt know if she will hang out with you. you have to do a lot more to put her at ease with you than with a girl you already kind of know, or one who already agreed to hang out with you.
July 5, 2008
I’m not into any of those rules. I think you can call or txt her right after a meet, or the next morning at least. It really depends on the context and the situation you’ve established. Sometimes I’ll txt or call the very same day.
lance’s last blog post..Lance’s Marriage Makers
July 5, 2008
If anything keep it simple. Like they say in music less is more. Easier said than done, but it’s so easy to over-think and over-analyze these kind of matters. You’ll run yourself nuts trying to decide when to call when to text. If anything just base it off of the vibe that she gives you.
July 5, 2008
So if you are getting a kind of cold response on the phone what to do then? I’ve called women before and gotten them laughing and then they still went cold on me on the phone. Rather than force the meet I was like well… Gotta run Aqua Teen Hunger Force is on.
Its tricky because it could be that she is no longer attracted or that she doesn’t feel safe enough. If its just a safety thing I would think some mushy comfort routine would be the way to go.
July 7, 2008
First off, id - Could be that you didn’t come off as strong as you thought, and she’s had time to rethink the situation. It’s a lot easier for anyone to go cold on the phone. Phonecalls in general can be tricky because they’re intimate and private but you lose the benefits of body language and touch. When did you call her? Did she go cold at the start or during the conversation? Any special trigger you can think of? All that’s important. Smart move on not forcing the meet regardless. No one likes that kind of awkward.
As another woman, I can’t really agree with you on the 48 hour rule either. I’d had the two extremes plenty of times and I have to say that the one who texted me 5 times and called 3 the next day and the one who didn’t call for 3 days both get the same amount of game from me. (Hint: 0) After 2 days in most cases, I’ve already lost interest. My reasoning is that any guy who gets my digits and decides not to call or only calls when he eventually gets around to it can be easily replaced. Remember that being in control of the situation is necessary, but you still have to keep her interest. I can’t tell you how many guys I’ve seen fail miserably in the end game. Beware the girl who knows she can do better.
That said, don’t be a Needy Nelson now. Like it’s been said, pay attention to the vibe of the chick. Don’t call that night. I’d recommend a quick text the next day. If you need an excuse, ask if she made it home safe. It’ll make you more than just “that guy who wanted in my pants the other night”.
July 10, 2008
You know i wrote this article a couple of months ago and jsut re-read it there.
So now i have some more reflection.
I do put a shite load of rules in there that is true. And not to confuse you guys anymore, but things really depend on circumstances and that was more of a general guideline.
That is all the techniques and the “how to” but if you really want to get good at phone game and the whole game in general its all about overall mindset.
How you perceive yourself and how you project that onto the world.
For instance lets us these two examples.
First example. You KNOW you are a kool guy. You KNOW that there are plenty of chicks out there that would be dying to date you. You KNOW who you are and what you are about. So if a girl rejects you on the phone its her loss not yours. She is saying No to herself and not to you.
Second example - this is probably the more typical things that run through your mind. I hope she says yes. I hope she doesnt reject me. Man i really like her and i hope i dont say anything stupid. Somehow i have to show her how im a really cool guy. I dunno whatever.
Now here is the small thing that i want to point out, which results in high self confidence.
See how in the first example you are telling yourself all the things that YOU can control. You are more concerned about how you feel and how kool you are rather than what her response is going to be.
In the second on - the outcome is more important. You are more worried about what she is going to say and do.
Here’s the thing, that is something that you cannot control. The only control you ever have is over your thoughts.
So spend more time building an awareness of what your current thoughts are and then making them empowering and meaningful for you..
N you will see your overall game with phone skills, texting skills and interaction skills change.
Hot Alpha Female
Hot Alpha Female’s last blog post..I Can’t Pretend To Like You Anymore!
August 15, 2008
Well as a general rule i think that text conversations shouldnt really be something that you should get yourself involved in, unless you dont want a date.
I think that if you are msging a girl, always make sure that its something cocky and funny rather than logistical .. like ” so how was your day”.
For example i have this guy that has text msgs with me .. and the more he texts me the more im not interested.
He even goes as far as to ask me if “everything is ok” if i dont reply to him within 1/21 hour.
To me it communitcates neediness and insecurity and that does not make me want to do on a date let alone see him agian.
so in answer to your question. First dont engage in long coversations. Second to end it … make sure that you leave her hanging. So end with something that makes her laugh and when she msgs back .. provided she doesnt ask you a question … then you end it by not answering her anymore and leaving it on a good note =)
Hope that helps
Hot Alpha Female
Hot Alpha Females last blog post..You Just Make Me Want To Throw Up …